people call me Pavlina but you can call me tonight.

claphne:

child

why u scream

oknope:

i followed my heart and it led me into the fridge

telapathetic:

*sees there’s a queer relationship on a show* *starts watching that show*

ohyeselifresh:

my neck

my back

my pizza

and my snacks

If celery is 90% water, is the ocean 10% celery?

vagiants:

Me: *before I take my first bite*

Mom: is it good?

stilllovingdisney:

flandusism:

"if you’re straight then why did you say she was hot"

yo i’m straight not blind

One time a nun at my school saw a hot guy and said “woah God did a nice job on that one” and we all looked at her like ??? and she goes “I’m allowed to look at the menu I just can’t order”

exactable:

I wish I could illegally download clothes

eremiel-fallen-angel:

jinxley:

bambigraham:

jinxley:

my little sister officially turned 10 yesterday and because i’m in another state i couldn’t see her so i called instead to sing happy birthday and when i was done she whispered “gay” and hung up on me

is that the same sister who put her burned hand on your heart because ‘it was so nice and cold’

that would be the sister

your sister sounds pleasant 

a hilarious joke

spookweedeveryday:

tanku:

three cats are competing in a race. there’s an american cat named “one two three”, a german cat named “ein zwei drei”, and a french cat named “un deux trois”. the cats all swim across a lake. the american cat finishes first, the german cat finishes second, but the french cat is nowhere to be found.

why?

because the un deux trois quatre cinq

IM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS JOKE IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IT I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU 

wienrs:

if you’re reading this i’m beautiful

vixio:

why is underwear so expensive like wtf its a sheet of fabric that covers ur dinky doo